From Pain To Purpose
Why I Stand Firmly With “Men Matter Too”
By Isabelle LaCroix Vienneau
Acknowledging Our Own Biases:
Confronting the Lens
of Personal Pain
Courtesy: Pinterest
Life sometimes feels like that roller coaster you're hesitant to hop on – breathtaking highs, gut-wrenching lows, and those sudden turns that leave you breathless. We all carry memories of our struggles, especially those times when the weight felt unbearable.
There was a period where I viewed men through a lens tinted by pain. Dive deep into my past, and you'll find shadows of emotional, physical, and sexual trauma. The aftermath of domestic violence isn't just physical wounds; it's the emotional scars that take the longest to heal.
"Men? They're all the same!" – I bet you've heard that, right? I used to be the one saying it and believe me, I had my reasons. But here's where the plot thickens: It was never really about 'all men.' It was about the few who did horrible things.
From Mistrust to Allyship:
How Embracing Male Allies
Healed Me
Courtesy: Pinterest
There were days, raw and challenging when every stranger seemed like a potential threat. My defences were on steroids. Every snide comment, every misunderstood gesture, only added layers to my armour.
The journey to heal? It's no walk in the park. It's like opening up an old diary that you’d shoved to the back of your closet, confronting memories your mind tried so hard to wrap in layers of protection. Healing means revisiting those moments, feeling every ounce of that pain, anger, and shame over and over.
Being vulnerable? That’s a whole different battle when you've built walls as high and thick as I did. They don’t just crumble at the first swing; they take time and persistence. I get it, the lure of quick fixes to dull the pain. Because diving deep into that well of memories? It feels like you're reliving the trauma in high definition, magnified, and intensified.
You might wonder, who'd willingly walk through that nightmare again? I'll tell you:
Someone who's determined not to let shadows dictate their life's story.
Someone who refuses to hand over their power to another.
Someone tired of the suffocating darkness, knowing deep down there's a brighter, better version of themselves waiting to emerge.
Someone tired of seeing their loved ones suffer.
Clue: That someone is me and with that same fire burning inside, that's you too!
Championing the Men
We Overlook:
7 Life-Changing Insights & Clues
Courtesy: Pinterest
The fact is, my journey through healing taught me a lesson bigger than my personal story. It's so easy to generalize, to take our pain and project it onto an entire group. But pain is a personal teacher, not a universal truth. Every individual has a story that’s uniquely theirs, and it's these personal tales that shed light on broader truths we often overlook.
1. Protectors and Vulnerable:
We often see men as our shields, strong and unyielding. My husband, burdened with a past event, wore his guilt like a badge. But remember, even the strongest shields need mending. In our bond, he learned it's okay to lean, especially during the stormiest days.
Clue: When did you last offer your shield a moment to breathe, and repair?
2. More than a Man's Burden:
The role of being the "main provider" isn't just about money. It’s about dreams, aspirations, and sometimes, a silent weight that pushes down hard. It isn't solely a man's job. It's everyone’s responsibility. My husband and I, we've made it our mission to share this weight equally, not 50/50 but rather with a promise to always have each other’s backs.
Clue: How is the weight in your home distributed?
3. The Battle Beyond the Courtroom:
Caught between two adults behaving like screaming toddlers, I saw my step-kids being torn apart emotionally. My immediate thought wanted to strangle both parents, but running on reckless emotions would have made me part of the problem. So, I built a bridge toward mutual respect. Today, we might not be the best of friends with his ex, but mutual respect? That’s a non-negotiable.
Clue: In conflict, are you adding to the solution or becoming part of the problem?
4. More than Just “Macho”:
For the men who aren’t your typical "macho" types, they're not weak; they're authentic. Their strength is unique and part of their core.
Clue: Have you ever celebrated the diverse strengths in the men around you, or are you stuck in a single narrative?
5. The Language of Heart and Voice:
"Man up" – two words that have done more harm than good. Emotions aren’t just for women. Men have feelings too. They have a heart, and they have a voice. It's time we lend an ear and a safe space where they can share their journey without judgment.
Clue: When did you last genuinely listen to a man's heart and voice without judgment or expectation?
6. Beyond the Surface:
Unraveling Hidden Battles:
Hallucinating from the fact that he's a crystal meth addict, my stepson brought chaos that few can imagine. To most, he might look like a "worthless meth head" or another "bum on the streets." But behind those eyes is a battle with Schizophrenia, ADHD, ODD, MDD, BPD, and a healthcare system filled with gaps. We've faced a system that had us bouncing from one professional to another, with waitlists extending for months. It's about meeting him where he's at, empowering him with what he can do, and creating boundaries that allow all of us to thrive.
Clue: How are you behaving with the person and their situation, especially when it's challenging to comprehend?
7. Unity in Action:
Life's a roller coaster. But instead of seeing who has it worse, let's ride it together. Let's listen and have compassion; sometimes, a simple "I’m here" can work wonders.
Clue: How often do you extend a hand, or ear, and offer unity in action?
Embracing Self-Healing:
Valuing Men in Our Stories
of Redemption
Courtesy: Pinterest
It starts with us. With you. With me. Once we cut ourselves some slack, things start to look different. The world isn't just grey. It's full of colours, each with its own tale. The best part? We choose to see, believe, and own it for ourselves.
Remember when I opened up about those men who scarred my heart? Well, it's crucial to understand that women played their roles in my story too. Picture this: 4th grade, a new face in town, who, for no good reason, chose to mark her territory at my expense.
Through the years, some from the so-called "sisterhood" club hurt me too. Those I'd lovingly labelled "sisters" shattered trust in unthinkable ways, from cozying up with my boyfriend to whispering behind my back, and even stealing from me. The list, sadly, is longer than I'd like but this should give you a taste of it.
Even my trusty "BFF", whom I shared secrets with, faltered. Over and over, even after tears, apologies, and promises of "never again", they'd slip back into old habits. But guess what? I did people wrong too. There were times when I allowed jealousy to cloud my judgment, acted on impulse, and even intentionally hurt someone because I was hurting.
To me, that image, that fleeting moment of shadow, makes every challenge worth facing. It's what drives me to fight every single day. And believe me, it can be your reality too.
My Four Pillars to A
Transformed Life
Courtesy: Pinterest
These are the foundational principles that revitalized my existence. They're not just mine; they can be yours too. Personalize them, adapt them, and if you ever feel adrift, know that I'm here to guide you.
1. Forgive and Love Yourself
Let's get real. Keeping grudges only drags you down. My anger was like a monster, eating all my peace and happiness. The change started when I forgave – not others, but myself. This doesn't mean you're okay with what they did. It's about freeing yourself from anger and making room for healing.
2. Take Back Your Story and Purpose
We've all got a story. Mine was full of pain and betrayal. But I wasn't going to let those parts define me because I knew with every “con” comes a “pro”. I started writing a new story, where I wasn't a victim, but a fighter and a nurturer. You're not what happened to you; you're what you choose to be. This is your life, your story. You're in charge. Start writing a new chapter.
3. Use Your Energy to Fuel Your Strength
Anger is like a fire. It can burn you up, or it can push you forward. I chose to move forward. Instead of staying stuck on past hurts, I focused on growth and healing. Find what makes you happy and let it change you.
Remember, changing your life is a journey, not a quick fix. It takes time, patience, and a lot of guts. But trust me, every step you take brings you closer to peace and self-love. You can do it!
4. Use Your Experience to Boost
Your Life & Career
People often ask, "How are you successful with all the crap you've been through?" Simple: No work problem is harder than what life has thrown at me. That’s my superpower in business. These experiences have helped me spot opportunities and see growth where others only see problems.
Business is Personal:
The Role of Men in
Shaping My Perspective
Courtesy: Pinterest
You know, people often tell me, "Business isn't personal." But in my eyes, it is. It's about understanding people, and there's nothing more personal than that. We should be aiming to make everyone feel seen, heard, and downright valued.
Life hasn't exactly been a straight path for me, but it's taught me to really care about others. I've taken those tough lessons and they've made me who I am. Those hard knocks? They gave me strength and a different way to look at things.
Each time I fall, I see it as another chance to get back up, stronger. It's not about avoiding spills; it's about how you pick yourself up and keep moving.
Over the years, many mentors and colleagues have impacted my perspective, especially the incredible men who have been game-changers in the business realm. These men not only brought their professional acumen to the table but also showed immense humanity, teaching me that business is indeed personal. Their wisdom, resilience, and compassion have been instrumental in shaping my approach to challenges and opportunities alike.
The real gem in all this? It's turning the hard times into something awesome.
Life's not a cakewalk for anyone. I feel it too. But I'm in there, every day, giving it my all, and hoping to light the way for others.
To all the good souls out there, those who lead with heart: listen, sometimes we might seem distant, have our guards up. It's not about you, it's just us trying to protect ourselves.
To the absolute legends who've always been there for me, especially the men who have positively shaped my business perspective, I can't thank you enough. Your kindness, your patience - it means everything!
Breaking Down Barriers:
Understanding the Shared Pain
Beyond Gender
Courtesy: Pinterest
My issues weren't just with men. Women have hurt me too. I have hurt people too. You have hurt people too. This isn't about being a man or a woman. It's about how we treat each other. If you bump into someone who seems guarded, chances are they're carrying some heavy stuff from their past. Be the kind of person that shows them you are safe. You are not there to hurt them (unless you are, SEEK HELP!)
If life's got you feeling trapped or stuck, remember, there's always a new day. You can start fresh. And healing? It's a journey. But always know this: you're not walking it alone!
Conclusion
I invite you to say this every single day: "I am kind, I am awesome, and I OWN MY SH*T!!" Say it at least 5 times.
As Matthew McConaughey said, “Life’s not fair. It never was, isn’t now and won’t ever be. Do not fall into the entitlement trap of feeling like you are a victim. You are not!” Stand tall and remind yourself that you've got so much to offer yourself and the world.
And as we move forward, let us not forget the significance of every individual in our lives. We've spoken of pain, of healing, and of personal empowerment. But let's also remember that recognizing the value, struggles, and emotions of men is an essential step toward a balanced and harmonious world.
By acknowledging that "men matter too," we pave the way for deeper understanding, compassion, and unity. We all have our battles and our stories; let’s ensure every voice is heard and every heart is acknowledged!
Get to know more
Isabelle LaCroix Vienneau
Founder of ILV Consulting & Chief Reinvention Officer | Blindspot Revealer for Executives | Spotlight on Productivity Barriers | Modern Org. Change, Leadership & Engagement Mentor
Isabelle LaCroix Vienneau is not your typical executive – she's the lifeline every executive needs. Although she recently founded ILV Consulting, her true superpowers lie in her two decades spent directly within the heart of employee dynamics. While you're up top, steering the corporate ship with commitment, she’s been elbows deep, tuning into the "on the ground" vibes — and those vibes went wrong — in today’s workplaces. The undercurrents? Emotional tugs-of-war, what she labels as “The Victim Trap”, eat away at productivity, paralyze your stars, and, unchecked, it's an infection in your teams.
As a certified reinvention practitioner, her philosophy is unmistakable: "You must do the work and provide emotional solutions to emotional challenges" On the home front, she masterfully co-parents six unique kids, five with ADHD and she's an influential bold force in the boardroom. Isabelle isn't just in the executive ranks; she's the game-changer that invigorates them.
