#FORYOUTOBE
By Pix Jonasson
Sadly, I have lived and living experience of suicide. Tragically, Toby (Tobias Walker), my 31 year old nephew and father of 2 young boys, died by suicide just before Christmas 2015, on 18th December. This was the first time our family had experienced the loss of a family member to suicide. It has had devastating and long-lasting effects on his family left behind, especially his now late mother, his former wife, his sister and brothers.
Whilst Toby has gone from this earth, 5 of his organs were donated, with one being his heart, so he still beats on. Knowing that 5 fortunate people have been given a second chance at life has also made his death a little more tolerable.
Unable to attend his funeral in Melbourne, due to the distance involved and proximity to Christmas, I wrote an acrostic poem (and also recorded it on video) as a tribute to the second of three sons and third of four children to my sister, Kerri. Writing the poem (following end of article) and recording the video was very cathartic for me and it was even more special knowing the poem was read out at his service. This has provided me with some inner peace to the age-old question of “Why?”.
[His mother/my sister, Kerri, passed away in 2018 at the age of only 57.]
During Covid, when I was put off from my full time job, I knew it was time …
Time to do something purposeful in honour of Toby (or Tobe as we affectionately called him). I even have the hashtag #foryoutobe which is a meaningful pun on To Be as well as Tobe. I also needed to do something purposeful due to the mental health ramifications of Covid – mine and that of others!
I have a voice and I needed to use it for good.
Among many positive outcomes for me during that “downtime” (pun intended), I developed my podcast, The COURAGEpreneur, where I share mental health journeys of both myself and importantly, those of others with lived and living experience.
I am now a VERY PASSIONATE advocate for positive mental health, wellness and fitness. I write about it, speak about it and live it. I also lead free beach meditations each Saturday morning at 6:30am (yes even in winter on dark, freezing mornings!!)
I know many of you are in the USA and Northern Hemisphere, but as I live in Sydney, Australia, I’d like to share some Australian statistics:
There are over 3,000 suicide deaths per year
8.6 suicide deaths per day
12.1 deaths per 100,000 nationally
65,000 suicide attempts per year
Tragically, suicide is the leading cause of death among 15 – 24 year olds
The rate of suicides for Indigenous/First Nations people is more than double the rate of Non-Indigenous/First Nations
The economic toll of suicide is up to $24 billion per annum
We all experience negative, fearful or possibly very dark thoughts. We are human!
Honestly thinking about and answering the following questions can help enhance your psychological and emotional well-being during those tough or dark times:
1) Are you aware of any negative thoughts at the moment?
2) How are you responding to them?
3) How do you act? Are you overeating? Oversleeping? Worrying too much?
4) What are you choosing to believe about the situation? Is it true?
5) Ask yourself: Are these thoughts helpful?
Tara Brach
A psychologist and meditation teacher. Teaches a wonderful acronym called R.A.I.N. which you can apply when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Yes, I love acronyms!!
1) Recognize what is going on
2) Allow the experience to be there, just as it is
3) Investigate with kindness
4) Natural awareness, which comes from not identifying with the experience.
Lastly, thank you to Mathew for this Men Matter Too community and the opportunity to share my thoughts.
For more tips, strategies, and tools to support your emotional and mental well-being feel free to reach out to me!
Contact details:
Pix Jonasson, Sydney Australia, AEST
+61 418 211 738
https://www.linkedin.com/in/thepixjonasson
This is the poem that Pix has written for
Tobias Walker
May you rest in peace, buddy! 🕊️
TOBIAS JAMES WALKER
T Toby to many, Tobias to some
O Oh if you knew, how you were loved
B Bloody stubborn, a determined kid
I In youth and adulthood, you always did what you did
A Amazing son, brother, nephew, cousin and dad
S So sorry you left us; we are ever so sad
J Jolly sometimes, but unfortunately not too much
A Always there though, to lend a hand
M Mucking about with bikes on the land
E Ever the joker, a good friend to all
S So in our eyes, you will always stand tall
W Why is a question, we may always ask
A As we all put on our brave mask
L Live on in our hearts, forever more
K Kerri’s 2nd and Steve’s 1st son
E Everlasting life has now begun
R Rest In Peace and Eternal Happiness Tobe
If only you could ask: “Aunty Pix…Can you please do my ears!!??”
Lots of love:
Pix, Sambo, Katie Kate, Nana and Pa from above
18th December 2015
