The 7 Symptoms of a Sexless Marriage
“I’m Too Tired” (again)
When you were first married, you may have never imagined that intimacy in the bedroom would become non-existent (or close to it). But here you are, reading an article about sexless marriage!
Having sex less than 10 times in the last year is officially considered a ‘sexless’ relationship. And sadly, it is by no means rare. A survey done by Gransnet, Mumsnet, and Relate shows that a whopping 29% of respondents who were in a long-term relationship stated they were in a sexless relationship. 29%! And the problem is more widespread the older people get, with 47% of those aged 60 or older saying they are in a partnership that is devoid of lovemaking.
Having a lack of physical intimacy can leave men feeling dead inside. In sexless relationships, the healing power of sexual intercourse is lost, and the rejection can feel so cruel that he stops trying. Not to mention the fact that no one talks about this pandemic. It is shrouded with shame and silence.
Unfortunately, the symptoms of a sexless marriage extend far beyond the bedroom.
Here are 7 symptoms common
in sexless
relationships:
(1.) Arguing with your wife about your lack of sex:
When a man’s sexual needs aren’t being met, his pain often leads to arguments (instead of solutions). He often blames his wife for her lack of sex drive, which makes her pull even further away. She may give in and have sex with him just to get it over with; and to stop the arguing. And that doesn’t feel good for either party!
(2.) She’d rather read a good book, or she pretends to be tired (again):
You’ve become less of a priority in her life. You feel unwanted, like she is disgusted by you physically. Even putting your hand on her shoulder may make her recoil. You’ve given up initiating anything remotely intimate because the rejection is so difficult to take, especially from your own wife.
(3.) You masturbate in the shower, silently:
You’ve begun hiding your need for sex and release. Your shame has grown. You don’t want to disturb her (and her new book). She’ll say ‘no’ anyway, so why bother? You come, secretly … noiselessly … and wash your seed down the drain.
(4.) A lack of connection with her outside the bedroom:
Your relationship used to be filled with laughter, cuddles, smiles, and flirting. Now it is filled with awkward conversation, mundane chores, and moving out of her way instead of playfully smacking her ass when she walks by. You find yourself meekly saying, “Yes, Dear” far more often than you’d like!
(5.) Feeling lonely in your relationship:
The loneliest place isn’t being alone; it is being unnoticed, uncared for, or ignored while in the room with someone you love, especially someone you live with. You feel you’ve given your all for her, and it hasn’t been enough.
(6.) Being less inspired at work, but possibly spending more time there:
When a man doesn’t have a satisfying sex life, he can fall off his game in every area of his life. The lackluster feelings he feels at home can spill over into his work. A woman’s loving touch can fuel every area of a man’s life. And the lack of her feminine essence pouring onto him can leave him with an empty tank.
Even so, because he doesn’t feel wanted or appreciated at home, a man may spend more time at work than is truly necessary. He avoids going home to avoid his feelings of emptiness.
(7.) Fantasizing about other women in your life, watching a lot of porn, or possibly having an affair:
Unless he has devoted himself to celibacy or joined a monastery, a man will find sexual outlets somewhere. It is human nature. Whether it is fantasizing about a neighbor, or sneaking porn on his phone before he jumps into the shower, the mental relief is not far from reach.
After coaching and speaking with thousands of men, I have found that most men who have affairs are attempting to save their marriages. They love their spouse and benefit from being married; they don’t want to leave or get divorced. But they do still have a need for sex, so they look outside the marriage for the one thing their marriage isn’t supplying – intimacy!
Sure, some of these sexless relationships could be brought about by a medical condition, an injury, or sexual trauma. But the rest can absolutely be resolved. In fact, sex can even become great again for those with many medical conditions, injuries, or trauma if done with the right tools (please consult a doctor, a physical therapist, or a trauma therapist before proceeding with anything physical in these cases).
Do you really want to feel dead inside? Or would you rather feel alive, wanted, loved, and satisfied? If you want to hear ‘Yes! Yes! Yes!’ instead of ‘I’m too tired’ (again), then it’s time for you to take charge, find some new tools, and put them in place.
It may feel easier to blame your partner for her lack of desire. Isn’t it women who are the problem—not wanting sex like men do? Fortunately for you, this is a myth. It means you can do something about it; and get your sex life where you want it. Women want sex just as much, if not more, than men. But the conditions must be right. Although she’ll need to be receptive, don’t leave the work to her. Pursue your sex life like you pursued your wife in the beginning of your relationship (and make sure she is part of the equation).
Before you begin, you want to ensure you are looking in the right place for your new toolbox. Please understand that her lack of interest in the bedroom starts outside the bedroom—for her, a good 80% of the problems in the bedroom are created outside of it. Simply looking solely for techniques on better sex won’t do the trick. She needs all of you!
Therefore, your toolbox needs to be comprehensive. And I know you want to do the job right. I also know that men prefer privacy when diving into something this vulnerable. So, I’ve created an online program for men just like you. It is called The Man She Craves. Touch this spot to learn more.
You already have the tools inside you, they just need to be coaxed to the surface. You can be The Man She Craves. Yes, YOU! What are you waiting for? The sooner you start, the sooner she’ll be dragging you to the bedroom!
CONTRIBUTOR BIO:
Jenny Adams is a Relationship and Sex Coach for men. She eliminates the shame and blame men encounter on a daily basis, so they can rise to the occasion of fulfilling their own purpose. Her life’s purpose is to create equilibrium between the masculine and the feminine.
After working in the male-dominated fields of engineering and manufacturing, Jenny actively de-masculinized herself to live in her true feminine nature. Jenny offers one-on-one coaching, The Man She Craves online program, Mother Wound Healing, and Orgasmic Activation.
Reach out to Jenny on LinkedIn—and mention MEN MATTER TOO—for 10% off one-on-one coaching!
