How Can Women Become Better Allies To Men
By Dr. Sebastian B. Gemba
Feminity is in crisis and resists this evolution of masculinity, attempting to silence it, manipulate facts, create division, and often coming up with arguments such as: "Yes, but, us, women…", "Yes, but in the past…", "Yes, but the majority are women…". Thus, they make the fight for equality seem exclusive, "us or them, us versus them", when quality feminism is "us and them, us together".
There is a growing worry about Radical Feminism and Toxic Feminity becoming widespread.
Men are evolving, fueling a "revolution" (fed by GOOD Feminism) by speaking up and standing up for their rights and inclusion at the round tables to address their own set of issues. This was the original idea of Feminism. So why silence men now that they do talk? Men want to have better health, equity in education, more time with children, legal protection against false accusations of rape, support in cases of domestic violence by women, longer lives, mental health support, and quotas in universities and leadership roles.
Simply, men want as much support as women on their set of issues. Why? Because men are humans and boys are children, too. What other reasons do you need?
As nicely put by IWDA (International Women Development Agency): "Feminism does NOT mean one person's experiences are more important than another. Yes, we can ALL be feminists for simply believing in equal rights for all genders. It is NOT about hating men. It is NOT about women being better than men. It is NOT about creating a sliding scale of who is worse off - it is about the fast learning and understanding the ways that inequalities affect women and men and remembering that we are all in this together. TRUE equality leaves no one behind."
A nasty radical/gynocentric/political feminist branch grew within like a cancer. It affects one gene and then spreads out to affect the wider society. This extreme movement promotes hatred for men and the supremacy of women. It does seem misandry is more tolerated by society than misogyny, doesn't it? The rise of Clementine Ford and Jessica Valenti and the lack of political intervention to negate the negative impact of their figures on our women is a concern. How to fight these extreme voices that promote division and the fallacious idea that men have it all, that society was built by men for men?
Allyship is defined as
someone with relative
privileges providing
support and advocacy
for someone in a
marginalised group.
"People who accept correction are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore it will lead others astray."
Be compassionate.
Are you, as a woman, self-aware of your negative biases against boys and men? (This is called the theory of gamma biases. Further description here: Can we discuss gender issues rationally? Yes, if we can stop gamma bias — The Centre for Male Psychology).
Reach out to men in the workplace and ask for honest feedback.
Ask the men how to be a better ally and listen to their suggestions. Listen, don't judge, and don't take feedback personally. A proverb nicely says:
Educate yourself on the systematic inequalities men face and train yourself against your biases.
The best way to challenge misandry and toxic feminity that hold many men back is through ongoing programs. Check your unconscious biases through continued learning. A Tale of 2 tails? Is society really built by men for men.
Be self-aware of your own privileges: This is the scariest thing to do.
Raise self-awareness of your privileges, put them aside, and pull a disadvantaged man up for equal opportunities. Consider the societal trends that have advantaged you, whether social, economic, race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. How will you use this privilege for the men who don't have it? The empathy gap is a real issue that needs addressing.
Look for diverse opinions: Have difficult conversations.
The best way to learn is to start. You don't learn how to drive in a parked car. Equality is a "yes, and" game, not a "one or the other" game. Empower the men around you to speak up and, most importantly, listen. Make decisions in diverse groups by systematically including men at the table.
Hold other women accountable: Fight toxic feminity.
Respect for men starts at home. Listen to your boys' and partners' issues. Be aware of your microverbal aggressions and any unconscious coercive abuse. The approach to egalitarianism is not gynocentrism, "a dominant or exclusive focus on women in theory or practice".
Eliminate the earliest manifestations of discrimination: Laws and policies address disparities too late in the game.
They look at who gets the promotion and the bonus in the workplace, who gets the best grade in education while overlooking all the smaller decisions that affect people's performance. For example, in the workplace, consider who gets the easiest and biggest clients and who gets the most interesting tasks.
Don't confront; create allyship.
The latest wave of Feminism (entirely away from the original great idea of Feminism) is promoting a war, and confrontation may be the only way some women know to resolve a dispute. Don't confront; create allyship and listen.
Here are a few tips:
Start from the end: Identify what is needed for promotion and bonuses. Determine the skills and knowledge required to achieve those goals. Are you given it?
Systemise subjective decisions to eliminate any anti-male biases and wrong preconceptions fed by media (availability heuristics) and old thoughts (anchoring heuristics).
Develop data: It is difficult to be aware of the cumulative effect of daily small decisions. For example, analyse who is accessing the best clients and getting the most challenging tasks, thus being given the opportunity to prove themselves more easily.
Help men take control of their careers: Men from lower social and educational backgrounds don't have role models to look up to and are probably less likely to be mentored. They don't know what is needed for long-term success. In contrast, a woman from a high social and educational background whose parents were bankers would likely receive guidance.
Connect to your inner core and lead with compassion and empathy. Leadership is about bringing out the best in others for a shared purpose.
Lead with wisdom: Find the truth and avoid daily negativity about men. Men, too, are humans and have feelings. Get rid of quick, premature judgments that bring out your anger.
If you want to understand further how radical Feminism has half-painted the state of things to promote their propaganda and hatred for men and boys, you can contact me at:
I will be glad to take you through how they have contributed to:
The Gamma Biases
The Empathy Gap
Gynocentrism
The rise of Andrew Tate and his appalling views
Political Populism
About The Author
Dr. Sebastian B. Gemba
Dr. Sebastian B. Gemba is a seasoned finance expert with 20+ years of international experience, having lived in cities like Dakar, Paris, Chicago, London, New York, and recently in Vilnius.
With 15 years at top-tier banks, he specializes in trading, treasury, and risk management. His expertise spans foreign exchange, interest rates, debt capital markets, and enterprise-wide IT change delivery.
An Executive MBA holder, Dr. Sebastian excels in financial modelling, market risk management, and advisory on debt issuance. His global perspective and deep industry knowledge make him a standout in the finance world.
Dr. Sebastian, outside of his career, is also a Male Rights Activist.
Connect with Dr. Sebastian here.
